Month: February 2018

H O M E. A Reflection of the Last Year.

This next series of blog posts have been written a year prior, reflecting back on the states of mind, heart placement and lessons.


The moving date approaches ever quicker than the day before. I am so excited to move, no more feelings of being unnerved. I feel like this is a huge clearing stage. As I release the physical items within my space I am releasing the stagnation that resides within my body. It is sweetly serendipitous.

I find it ironic how for so long I wanted to make a “home”, that I longed for the comforts of what society says a physical home will bring you:

-You fill it with stuff and people. Things that you like, things that are gifted, things that are inherited, things that are acquired over the years, things that are made, things that smell good, useless items, seasonal items, paperwork, electronics, random photographs of moments suspended in time.

For we never manage to capture the moments of sadness or grief in the photos. We only manage to suspend moments of bliss or sometimes moments of faking happiness for fear of the unsettled oceans within us rising up in a storm to be shown to the world around us. Captured in that one moment. That one photograph. In the eyes. Her eyes tell the stories of the currents raging beneath the smiles and the cordial hellos. I digress.

One morning, afternoon or evening along your journey you get a brilliant idea and decide fuck it! Let’s redecorate! Let’s renovate! Let’s have a garage sale! Let’s travel the world. Whatever your idea is the outcome is the same.

 Create space; shift the stagnation of energy around and within you. For me there is nothing like selling it all and consciously stepping into minimalism to find out what you really truly require.

There are moments, don’t get me wrong where I see emptiness and I immediately want it filled. I want the space in the corner or the naked walls to showcase life by having something to occupy that space. How fitting is it that when you start to find space, you fear the perceived emptiness of the space.

Your views can become skewed with what once felt like freedom can feel vast and unsettling. How interesting is it that we find ways to take up space to feel full?

Through consumption of more shit we don’t need in our homes.

We consume foods that we don’t really need to eat just to feel full.

We consume people, jobs, conversations, drugs, alcohol and social media to feel fulfilled within our lives.

How much of this are we actively participating in and how much is so deeply engrained that we are on autopilot within our own lives. Like when you drive home from work and arrive in your driveway without recalling if you even stopped at any of those red lights or stop signs. I mean you must have because you made it to your driveway without getting into an accident, but were you actively participating in each moment that contributed to the arrival of you in your driveway?

How many other times have you “checked out” throughout your day in your own life?

 


Image: Google

Building a Foundation.

I feel that the last 10 years of my life have been fast tracked. I have been exposed and placed into circumstances that I never thought I would survive emotionally and mentally. Guess what. I did. I thrived because of them. All of the heart breaks, the losses, the injuries, the abuse, the tears and grieving all were blessings in the softening and awakening of me. Of discovering who I am and why I am here.

 

Last year, I learned about this Goddess, Akhilandeshvari, is the goddess of “never not broken”. She is constantly in a state of being broken and rebuilding herself. This is a beautiful opportunity to find a limitless within each of us.

 

As we rebuild ourselves over and over again. As we commit to doing the personal work we are never the same and forever changed. Forever changed. After each bruise, strain, sprain, break, loss, beating, drowning we are reborn into a new version of ourselves. Our cells do it naturally without our bodies. They are constantly in a cycle of life/death/life. Our bodies heal after physical trauma. We rebuild our tissues, bones and bodies from the inside out.

 

When we look at Akhilandeshvari she reminds us that there is a definite opportunity to create something new and amazing after and throughout each experience.

 

For me I believe my heart has been stretched, pulled, bruised and broken in so many different ways so that it can house more compassion, understanding, acceptance and love for all areas of myself and others. This process is a continuously journey as I grow.

 

I have the ability to love myself deeply enough to have boundaries. I love myself deeply enough to still have compassion and empthy for others. To see, to hear and to choose what suits me and my highest potential.

 

Shae Sig Black 1