I have weaved my way through my 29 years in and out of romantic relationships with men mostly long term, some short and sweet others short and spicy. Society, family and friends have had their opinions on this. They range from supportive to extremely judgmental.
I have been told my whole life that I have “too high of expectations in relationships”. Let’s break that down a little. Once you have expectations the other party will always lose and you project your disappointment, anger, sadness or resentment. No one can be held to any standard that you place on them, it is absolutely impossible. Friend, family member or parter. When you put someone up on a pedestal the only way for them to go is down. That human, circumstance or thing will never be able to achieve a ‘passing grade’ in your eyes.
I had developed Egoic-conditioning of self to hold personal high standards (impossible standards) on myself which have been crumbling down through this humbling work of owning your own shit. Don’t get me wrong they are still there! Just not to such a rigid degree- slowly but surely this is a life’s work.
Knowing your worth and setting healthy boundaries is essential. So instead of offering up the view of “too high of standards” I view it from a place of honour that I have a choice to find someone who is also an amazing human. I am single because I choose to be. Not because something is “wrong” with me or because I require a relationship as most of society views women who are approaching 30 and are single. I am not searching to have the white picket fence life. I will not settle out of convenience to make others comfortable.
I really and truly believe if you want to know yourself. Next level type of talk.
Get into a romantic relationship.
HELLLLLLO triggers, you will have many beautiful opportunities to work on your shit. The bullshit that you cover up will be presented to you over and over. The relationships in your life are all mirrors at the areas within you that you illuminate and the areas to which you require work.
The mirrors shine back at you all of your humanness that you pretend you don’t have. It shines the wrinkles in your perfectionist beliefs; it disintegrates your “all put together exterior”.
Being in relationships forces your humanness to show. You know that humanness I am speaking of because it is those areas of yourself that you reject. You reject it because it is uncomfortable to be with, to feel or to admit to yourself. It’s the layers of anger, grief, jealously, insecurities, abandonment, rejection, fear, worry, shame, hurt, guilt, unworthiness, unlovable, judgment, the self destruction, over- analyzing, the too sensitive, too emotional, too anything mentality.
All of these human stories and belief systems arrive in full force in the face of relationships. And this my friends is where the work begins.
It is here when these feelings and thoughts arrive I greet them for I have this natural affinity to dive deep in the subconscious. Head first. Scared as fuck. I dive deep into the waters of the psyche. At times it can feel dark and scary. It can feel like every time I surface for air I get hit with another wave. Again and again and again. No space for air or breath. I sometimes forget I know how to swim. But that inner knowing, that remembering gets stronger and stronger the more I surrender to the waves. The more I remember that I was born to breathe under water and fly above the waves. The more I listen with the intent to understand the lessons being presented. The more I find comfort within my humanness, within my darkness the more I understand about myself.